Multicultural Interview ~ Jessica K. Bower ~ Chadron State College
Dr. Knezevic ~ March 3, 2023

 

Demographics
I interviewed Mary Braven (Pseudonym) on February 25th. Mary is 60 years old, and she is married to a woman who is in the process of transitioning from female to male. Mary was born in San Mateo, California and lived most of her life in California. It wasn’t until recently, that she decided to move to Alaska. Mary is white and does not identify with any white ethnic groups. Mary has been married to her current spouse for 12 years. Prior to that, Mary was married to her first husband for 25 years. Mary has three children from her first marriage. Mary’s children are 42, 39, and 36 now. Mary has 12 grandchildren, 4 boys and 8 girls. She enjoys living in Alaska because the wildlife is beautiful and she loves fishing.
Questions
Mary described her birth as on time and healthy, which is what was shared with her from her parents. Nothing eventful or unusual occurred during her birth experience. Mary says her concept of family has evolved over the years. She used to believe in a more traditional family (like her first family), but as she has matured, she has realized that family can look different for different people. Mary believes that the most important qualities of a family are not the types of members included, but rather the quality of connection, love and belonging that families provide for their members. Mary says she still believes in the importance of love, as she always has, but her ideals on what constitutes a family have altered drastically.
Mary talked about her first married and her husband leaving her after 25 years. She said this event had a major impact on how she viewed herself, family, and the expectations of others. Up until then, Mary was influenced by her the opinions of her husband and the continuity of the family. In a way, the divorce set her free to reevaluate herself and her values. Of course, she didn’t see it that way for some time, but today she is grateful for the opportunities that life has afforded her to grow into a more open-minded, accepting, and liberated person.
Mary talked a little about her family of origin. Both of her parents were heavy drinkers and smokers. They fought regularly and were negligent of their care of Mary. Mary feels like these experiences made her resourceful, independent, and tenacious. Although Mary’s parents are a source of great heart ache, Mary has learned how to forgive and make the best of what she was given. Mary loves the sunshine, her spouse and her children and grandchildren. She also likes to always have a few projects in her life. Spending time in the sun, with the people she loves, and working on her projects, keeps her busy and happy. Mary described how her spouse’s transition has been taxing. Some of her spouse’s family members do not approve and have completely disowned him. There are also challenges with HRT and other issues related to transitioning. Mary describes it as heartbreaking to see her spouse be rejected by his family.
Mary is starting to think about how the challenges of the next 10 years will probably be age-related. She is trying to improve her health with regular walks and healthier eating. She sees illness or limitations as her greatest concerns over the next 10 years, as she will be 70. Mary has some concerns about her age. She feels like she still has so much to do and see. However, Mary told me that she is working toward accepting her age and embracing the changes, while nourishing health in any way she can.
Mary says spirituality has played a big role in learning to accept herself and others. However, she says that unlike many people who are religious, her spirituality involves very few rules and is more of a free-flowing experience. Mary’s spirituality also gives her some peace about growing older and thinking about end-of-life issues. Mary could not be happier about having so many grandchildren and watching her children flourish in their families. She feels that this is the most important contribution she could leave behind- happy, healthy families. Mary would want her grandchildren to know how precious each and every one of them is to her and she would want to know that her life made a positive impact on those she loved and cared for. 


Reflection
I was really surprised and impressed by the fact that Mary seemed to be able to appreciate some difficult circumstances and events in her life. Although she acknowledged there was difficulty and pain associated with these happenings, she was still able to see the positive that came out of those situations. It made me think of what the world would be like if we were all able to find the positive in our lives, no matter what. It occurred to me that this is a great way to do away with regret and unforgiveness (two things that keep us stuck in the past).
At times, I found myself wondering if Mary was in denial about some of the difficulties she has experienced and their effect on her. I caught myself looking for something to be wrong and reminded myself to follow her lead. I also found that I tended to want to get more information because I was interested in Mary's story. However, I recognized that it might not be necessary to collect all that information and Mary might not want to share everything, so I pumped the brakes on my questions.
I realized that Mary has all the typical life issues to work through- loss, change, divorce, and maturing well, while also having to take on more in order to support her spouse. Mary and her spouse have experienced loss and rejection, from loved ones, simply because of their gender and/or sexual orientation. This is not typically something that most of experience. Many couples are supported and loved by their in-laws and families. This is not the case for Mary and her spouse, and it is an additional challenge that Mary must navigate. 


I really like person-centered therapy because it allows clients to be themselves, whether that may involve ethnicity, gender, spirituality, or socioeconomic status. In person-centered therapy, the client really is the expert on their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Person-centered therapy really shines when working with individuals who have different backgrounds, expectations, and needs from the majority group. Therapists who are paying attention will begin to see how this informs the therapeutic experience of their clients, when utilizing person-centered therapy presence.
I learned that Mary's experience with love, family, and belonging sounded a lot like my own, it just involved nontraditional roles and experiences. Mary seemed to be more like me than not, but I realize that she faced unique challenges that I could only guess at understanding. I also recognize that Mary is at an age where there are more concerns around health and how to best spend her time. Interviewing Mary gave me a peek at what it was like to survive and thrive in different life experiences than my own. I was able to see Mary’s story through her eyes and appreciate her individuality.